Old Hermy’s Never Die
They Simply Smile That Way ……
A monthly blog about ‘stuff’ your grandmother could or would never tell you!
I Have A Dream
Like many hermaphrodites of a certain age and from an earlier generation, life for me was at best a spectator sport. Something that as with sexuality from before the trauma of puberty, turned a thousand cracked and broken cog wheels making life an unending, slow motion, motorway smash in thickening fog.
With incompetent Doctor’s turning what was already traumatic enough, into a medical nightmare seemingly without hope or end. Because even if the uncaring members of the medical profession knew that an individual had one of the three principle forms of hermaphroditism; 46 XY/XX ‘true hermaphrodites’ born with ovaries and testes, female pseudo-hermaphroditism or male pseudo-hermaphroditism. They would intentionally keep it secret from both the patient (even if old enough to understand) and their family, though God knows why?
But that is how it was during the ‘dark ages’ of diagnosis and treatment for those born different to the two sex tyranny imposed by religion, legal and medical proffessionals in the name of normality. Though things have improved over the last half a century, especially regarding the diagnosis of 46 XX/XY ‘true hermaphrodites’ born with ovaries and perfectly formed male genitalia, which does not then develop normally; thanks to modern technology and CT scanning techniques.
Unfortunately, the centuries old persecution and global genocide against hermaphrodites in all their forms continues without debate or question. While of all minority groups in modern western society at the start of the 21st century, hermaphrodites continue to be the only ones denied legal recognition and rights unless surgically modified to become male or female. Despite the incontrovertible scientific and medical evidence that there are five sexes chromosomally, not two, not just male and female.
Ever was it that genocide against the ‘other’ had been perpetrated upon a scientific falsehood told repeatedly as incontrovertible, unquestionable truth, reinforced by man’s religious delusions and lies as exemplified in the Vatican Codex, shame upon you all. This is not rock and roll, this is genocide!
Is it simply because we are such a small group of people (sic), one here, one there that no one notices the ethnic cleansing of all born different, imperfect and deformed? Is this why global genocide against hermaphrodites continues unquestioned, because it is in the best interest of all born different to be surgically made the same, made into male or female physically? Regardless of the psychological consequences of surgical procedures performed non-consensually against children.
Whose parents, already sick with worry and self guilt are pressured into consenting to irreversible surgical procedures, performed to give the patient a normal life – even though the Doctors will never let you forget what you were, or fully accept you for what you are. To these people we remain freaks, medical curiosity’s to talk about at this year’s international conference on this or that ism/ology, or laboratory specimens to dissect and experiment upon in the name of scientific perfection and normality.
The only people who are going to speak out and stop the continuing ethnic cleansing and genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites, are us, other hermaphrodites. Alone we are just silent victims of the medical professions unremitting war against imperfection and difference, by coming together with a single voice and purpose; we have a collective strength greater than the numerically small group of people we are.
Alone we are apathetic and accepting of the medical professions fundamental weapon of destruction, divide and conquer. Ethnically cleansing the word hermaphrodite and its connotations from the collective consciousness and social reality of western civilisation; they made us into something resembling an after thought. ‘Intersex patients’, things that are neither fish nor fowl, creatures existing between the bipolar reality of male and female when Biblically, anything else must be the work of the Devil and Satan’s spawn.
Personally I refuse to use the term ‘intersex’ because I am not somehow physically between the dominate two sex tyranny, technological totalitarianism imposes at the moment of birth – pink or blue, girl or boy, female or male. The consequences of which, are inescapable and for some as devastating as a nuclear explosion.
It is generally Doctors or medical professionals, who control and run the majority of ‘intersex’ associations and organisations, especially in the west. But as everyone intuitively knows, hermaphrodites are incapable of making decisions for themselves, especially about something as fundamental as which sex to become. We need Doctors and medical professionals to perform non consensual surgery upon young hermaphrodites, only Doctors are capable of caring for us by thoughtfully establishing, running and completely controlling the medical imposition of genocide and ethnic cleansing upon hermaphrodites, by creating ‘intersex’ associations for us.
Usually part funded by a multinational drugs company looking for an endless supply of intersex patients to experiment upon in the name of science and year on year share dividend increases, for those who long ago had their humanity and conscience surgically removed. The Doctors who continue to control most intersex associations give their time free, just to be able to oppress and help (if help it be) those born different, to become almost normal.
Clearly we, hermaphrodites, are not capable of talking or thinking for ourselves. With many denied the fundamental right to choose their own sex, even when we try to come together through national or international self help groups. In order to learn from each other’s experiences, to create a collective history (long refused to hermaphrodites) and personal identity.
The Doctors and medical professionals insist upon creating and running such organisations for us, by depending upon that gold standard of totalitarianism, divide and conquer (a fundamental of social control). Already a small group of people, hermaphrodites are divided into specialist support groups with limited individual interests and agenda’s.
Numerically isolated, invisibility and the enduring delusion that it is in our best interest, are used to justify the unjustifiable oppression of hermaphrodites and silent genocide of countless generations of Holy Innocents, inside the sterile operating theatres and sound-proof consulting rooms of concentration camp Europe, the new Fourth Reich.
Like many born different, I have a dream that somehow I might leave this world a better place to be born a hermaphrodite, than I found it sixty years ago during the dark ages medically, socially and culturally. For decades I though that I had at least done a little something to help those with specific forms of hermaphroditism, who like me had insufficient genital tissue for successful assignment as female, by becoming a faceless laboratory rodent to experiment upon.
At least the procedure worked, personally traumatic though it was being the first ‘sigmoid’ in the United Kingdom. Though from what I currently understand, the procedure remains essentially unchanged and has been performed only sixteen times upon the National Health Service, since.
The thing is, I would really like to do more to help hermaphrodites around the world, because we are such a small group of people it falls to us to help each other and ourselves regardless of the particular form of hermaphroditism we live with. In the United Kingdom the legal structure and law certainly has not since the 18th century, when deciding for ourselves the sex we wished to live our lives as, was taken away by the Priests of hate and the growing influence of the medical profession.
I have a dream, not of a charity and the pity they feed upon, but of a non profit making Private Limited Company run by and for all hermaphrodites.
HELP – Hermaphrodites Entering Life Project
In my dream HELP would work towards making this world more accepting of hermaphrotitism in all its forms, through a three-prong approach:
Campaigning:
An End to the two sex tyranny of the 'normals'
Celebrating difference
Empowering:
Personal - offering Peer Support from individuals with the same form of hermaphrodirtism
Social - helping parents resist the medical hysteria for treatment and allowing children to decide for themselves if they want surgical intervention, providing practical support to family, friends and in a wider social context, school/work/religion/society.
Medical – providing financial assistance to individuals, who decide to have surgical intervention, especially those in third world countries with little or no hope of treatment and support throughout their lives.
Legal – changing birth certificates, recognition and rights.
Personal – help with basic education were necessary.
Legal Rights
Social – giving hermaphrodites a social and personal history, so long denied through ethnic cleansing and the systematic genocide of the ‘normals’.
Cultural – implications of the two sex tyranny when medically and scientifically there are five.
Medical – educating the medical profession and working together in order to empower hermaphrodites to take control of their lives and any treatment they may choose to have.
The following extract is from The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female Are Not Enough, By Anne Fausto-Sterling. Published in The Sciences March/April 1993, p. 20-24. Anne Fausto-Sterling is Professor of Biology and Women's Studies in the Department of Molecular and Cell Biology and Biochemistry at Brown University. Professor Fausto-Sterling's book, entitled Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, appeared in February, 2000.
‘But what if things were altogether different? Imagine a world in which the same knowledge that has enabled medicine to intervene in the management of intersexual patients has been placed at the service of multiple sexualities. Imagine that the sexes have multiplied beyond currently imaginable limits. It would have to be a world of shared powers. Patient and physician, parent and child, male and female, heterosexual and homosexual all those oppositions and others would have to be dissolved as sources of division. A new ethic of medical treatment would arise, one that would permit ambiguity in a culture that had overcome sexual division. The central mission of medical treatment would be to preserve life. Thus hermaphrodites would be concerned primarily not about whether they can conform to society but about whether they might develop potentially life-threatening conditions hernias, gonadal tumors, salt imbalance caused by adrenal malfunction that sometimes accompany hermaphroditic development. In my ideal world medical intervention for intersexuals would take place only rarely before the age of reason; subsequent treatment would be a cooperative venture between physician, patient and other advisers trained in issues of gender multiplicity.
I do not pretend that the transition to my utopia would be smooth. Sex, even the supposedly "normal," heterosexual kind, continues to cause untold anxieties in Western society. And certainly a culture that has yet to come to grips religiously and, in some states, legally with the ancient and relatively uncomplicated reality of homosexual love will not readily embrace intersexuality. No doubt the most troublesome arena by far would be the rearing of children. Parents, at least since the Victorian era, have fretted, sometimes to the point of outright denial, over the fact that their children are sexual beings.
All that and more amply explains why intersexual children are generally squeezed into one of the two prevailing sexual categories. But what would be the psychological consequences of taking the alternative road raising children as unabashed intersexuals? On the surface that tack seems fraught with peril. What, for example, would happen to the intersexual child amid the unrelenting cruelty of the school yard? When the time came to shower in gym class, what horrors and humiliations would await the intersexual as his/her anatomy was displayed in all its nontraditional glory? In whose gym class would s/he register to begin with? What bathroom would s/he use? And how on earth would Mom and Dad help shepherd him/her through the mine field of puberty?
In the past thirty years those questions have been ignored, as the scientific community has, with remarkable unanimity, avoided contemplating the alternative route of unimpeded intersexuality. But modem investigators tend to overlook a substantial body of case histories, most of them compiled between 1930 and 1960, before surgical intervention became rampant. Almost without exception, those reports describe children who grew up knowing they were intersexual (though they did not advertise it) and adjusted to their unusual status. Some of the studies are richly detailed described at the level of gym-class showering (which most intersexuals avoided without incident); in any event, there is not a psychotic or a suicide in the lot.
Still, the nuances of socialization among intersexuals cry out for more sophisticated analysis. Clearly, before my vision of sexual multiplicity can be realized, the first openly intersexual children and their parents will have to be brave pioneers who will bear the brunt of society's growing pains. But in the long view though it could take generations to achieve the prize might be a society in which sexuality is something to be celebrated for its subtleties; and not something to be feared or ridiculed.’
I have a dream that one day this will be a better world to be born different, to be born a hermaphrodite. I have been to the top of the mountain and seen the promise land beyond, I may not get there with you (with apologies to Dr King), I have a dream ….
Gestapo HQ – Room C202, Smedley Hydro, Southport
Gestapo HQ, in particular the occupants of Room C202 and the harassment, the suffering endemic within the blood stained walls at Smedley Hydro, Southport. Remain ever vigilant in the unending war against difference, against those unfortunate enough to be born partly male and partly female but wholly neither. Those neither fish nor fowl who centuries ago were ethnically cleansed from the Western collective consciousness by an unquestionable, unforgiving religion of hate. Created for men by like-minded men, still in love with global conquest and unending empire.
Damned, denied and personally destroyed this was unspoken, unreported genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites whose only crime was to be born different, members of a third, fourth and fifth sex chromosomally. Many who would be damaged, scarred for life by non-consensual surgery, performed for cosmetic reasons shortly after birth, to make them either male or female.
To force square pegs into round holes through a conspiracy of consensus that would deny hermaphrodites a collective history, legal recognition and rights unless surgically altered, they lived lives of quite desperation. Pretending to be something they, we are not and never will be, normal males and females.
To long have the west’s contemporary concentration camps exterminated all hermaphrodites, unseen, uncriticised by those who for convenience, collectively looked the other way and turned up the sound on their televisions to drowned out the muffled cries and screams from the operating theatres and consulting rooms.
After all, it is in our own best interest to live life pretending to be something we are not, worrying about talking in our sleep and feeling like a deleted message; a species who, for hundreds of years. Have been ethnically cleansed from society through the tribal fury of genocide, against countless generations of hermaphrodites but what does it matter? We are such a small group of individuals and imminently expendable, while excess was ever the destroyer of over enthusiastic genocide against the ‘other’, that which is different, alien to the collective consciousness and shared delusions of contemporary society.
Which is why systematic genocide for hundreds of years against hermaphrodites has gone unquestioned, unnoticed by the ‘normals’, by those condemned and controlled by fear of anything different, anything that questioned or contradicted organised religions established, historic Fibonacci Lie Sequence (Prime). Because we are such a small group of people, what does it matter that we continue to be denied legal recognition and rights for what we are, different. While what should be a fundamental right of all hermaphrodites, the right to choose our own sex was abolished in the 18th Century.
That we, hermaphrodites can be systematically exterminated, ethnically cleansed from all but mythology, where we remain but fantastic creatures, contradiction given form and flesh as ‘freak of the week’. With the medical profession increasingly becoming guardians of religions two-sex tyranny in a man’s world.
Like pinning a tail on the donkey, they assigned a sex based upon the physiology of an alien race comprised of only male or female. While ethnically cleansing hermaphrodites from society and its collective history by denying a personal identity, a collective history, a possibility of life as anything but either male or female to those born different.
Those destined to be surgically altered in order to conform, or be gassed, exterminated in order to protect the illusions of a society created to limit individual potential and human sexuality to the either/or certainty of the 'normals’. Who are but male and female in a rainbow world of possibility and evolutionary adaptation.
The General Registry of the Home Office Identity & Passport Service (Gestapo HQ) and those in freshly polished ‘Jack Boots’ goose-stepping round the interrogation and torture suits, happily humming the ‘water boarding’ man’s mournful song: ‘Splish, splash, splosh, tell us what you know tosh? Before we immerse your head under water and almost drowned you again’. Sung to a ‘bunga bunga’ Latin beat.
Lived up to all I had been warned to expect from some of its previous victims, those who had already learnt that help was a relative term inside Gestapo HQ. Where with cattle prod, tasser, discrimination, and social exclusion, they used positive discrimination against all older hermaphrodites, to liven up another terminally boring bureaucratic working day.
Making anew the wax figures, the Voodoo dolls into which they would push and work the hand crafted silver pins, while talking in tongues of gas chambers, ethnic cleansing and unbridled genocide against any born hermaphrodites, who expected help and support from the Home Office.
Even had I not been warned what to expect from the faceless ‘Stormtroopers’ inside Gestapo HQ, with their inherent belief in discrimination against older hermaphrodites. By those above the law, those untouchable and unaccountable inside the interrogation and torture suits deep under the Home Office Identity & Passport Service building at Smedley Hydro (plenty of the basic requirements for ‘water boarding then?), Southport.
That first telephone contact with those controlling Room 202, through which you will be mercilessly discriminated against, should have warned me about their intent and organisational discrimination against older hermaphrodites. When I was told in no uncertain terms there was nothing the Gestapo could do, other than take my name and address, in order to have my front door kicked in and life completely destroyed at a later date.
According to the script perfect initial contact, I could always apply to a Gender Identity Panel for a birth certificate, only I would have to pretend to be a transsexual. Because such panels were established under government statute, in order to give limited rights to transsexuals whose name and address would be held in ‘Gender Recognition Register’, in order to have their front door kicked in, and life completely destroyed at a later date. When the ‘concentration camp’ furnaces in the crematoria again glow white hot, to dispose of the remains of all ‘life unworthy of life’ within the borders of the Fourth Reich.
Such was the Gestapo HQ’s determination not to help older hermaphrodites; even contact staff were trained from induction to believe the organisational discrimination and bias. Spread, preached by those with ‘cattle prod’ and electrode in hand, stamping upon older hermaphrodites as if annoying insects. To be squashed flat and lifeless without a second thought, more a sacred duty than training manual exercise in neo-classical genocide against old hermaphrodites, those born decades ago during the ‘dark ages’.
Before scans and accurate diagnosis was anything more than throwing a bundle of bones upon the consulting room floor and crossing your fingers. Why only last year announced the woman at Gestapo HQ proudly, we had an intersex lady awarded a birth certificate through the Gender Recognition Panel.
Most of us born hermaphrodites but denied legal recognition and rights because of incompetent, lying Doctors, who just made what was already a nightmare a thousand times worse. Further compounding the trauma of inaccurate diagnosis, by failing to mention that hermaphrodites had at least the illusion of a life and could change their birth certificates, already know about systemic discrimination against old hermaphrodites and specific forms of hermaphroditism in children.
Having duly read the ‘Gender Recognition Act’ and related appendices, I wrote to the relevant parties complaining about older hermaphrodites being forced to go before Gender Recognition Panels in order to correct an original birth certificate entry. Panels established to sit in judgement upon transsexuals as no where does it mention hermaphroditism in any of its forms, or even intersex patients.
Consequently the use of Gender Recognition Panels to sit in judgement over hermaphrodites is a clear and flagrant breach of the Gender Recognition Act. Because transsexuals and hermaphrodites are not the same physically or psychologically, nor are the forms of consensual medical intervention some require the same.
Hermaphrodites are born partly male and partly female (he/she) but wholly neither male nor female, rather members of a third, fourth and fifth sex chromosomally. Referred to as herms, merms and ferms in The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female Are Not Enough, By Anne Fausto-Sterling. Published in The Sciences March/April 1993, p. 20-24. Anne Fausto-Sterling is Professor of Biology and Women's Studies in the Department of Molecular and Cell Biology and Biochemistry at Brown University. Professor Fausto-Sterling's book, entitled Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, appeared in February 2000.
To become victims all to the centuries old genocide against hermaphroditism in all its forms by the ‘normals’, who at the start of the 21st Century continue to deny fundamental human rights and legal recognition to hermaphrodites. Unless surgically altered, adapted to become something resembling the dominant two sex tyranny imposed by the Priests of hate and policed by the eager but deluded Doctors. Willing to scare their patients for life with the illusion of normality for hermaphrodites born to be bullied and excluded, proud to be different to the ‘normals’ (boring) with their two sex tyranny. The cradle to grave ‘sameness’ of expectation and experience, for what might as well be two fundamentally different species
Initial responses to my complaint about older hermaphrodites having to use ‘Gender Recognition Panels’ to change their birth certificates. Indicated that the principle driving force behind this flagrant abuse of European Human Rights would appear to be the Home Office, Identity & Passport Service at Gestapo HQ, Room C202, Smedley Hydro, Southport.
Shame upon you all for the distress, anxiety and suffering you intentionally, callously inflict upon older hermaphrodites regardless of case and circumstance. By people who, if forced to consider changing the birth certificate of older hermaphrodites, rather than that of a cuddly little hermaphrodite baby, traumatised and scarred for life by non consensual surgery to make them appear genitally more male or female. Experience a complete brain short circuit and relying upon training, go into personal denial about the organisational discrimination and criminal activity of the Home Office, Identity, & Passport Service.
When no matter what older hermaphrodites do in order to change their birth certificate it will not be satisfactory, with the case being intentionally drawn out for years until they either give in, lose the will to continue and die, or go to a Gender Recognition Panel.
In reply to my letter of complaint dated 18th November (see last blog), Gestapo HQ replied (see last blog), stating that there were now actually two ways for individuals to change their birth certificates. Either through the corrections department in Room 202 based upon biological reasons, i.e. external genitalia, gonadal and chromosomal; or through one of the Gender Recognition Panels.
Where could I get evidence of biological abnormality? Given that I had surgery decades ago (the surgeon Mr Eastwood having retired), while according to the local Health Authority. I continued to be diagnosed as a transsexual, thirty-six years after being refused treatment at the first and only Gender Identity Unit in the country. Because the Doctor in charge did not think I was a transsexual, thirty years after surgery and becoming the first hermaphrodite in the UK, to have what is now known as a ‘sigmoid colon’.
Unfortunately Saint James, where the first ‘sigmoid colon’ procedure was performed upon a hermaphrodite in the UK, usually only kept medical records for eight years before they were destroyed.
Fortunately, this being the first time what was called a ‘colonic resection’ at the time had been performed upon a hermaphrodite. It was extensively publicised in the specialist medical press as being the radical new treatment for hermaphrodites being surgically reassigned as female, but having insufficient genital tissue for surgery to work successfully.
Becoming over the years an acknowledged case study (with photographs) for medical specialists and students, the treatment remains essentially unchanged and for many, their last best hope of a life, if life it be at the hands of a society determined to committee genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites. Who through no fault of their own are born different.
Consequently the hospital still had copies of Mr Eastwood's surgical notes, documenting the treatment I knowingly became a human guinea pig for. Not that I had much choice because at the time career prospects for eunuchs were little better than zero. Having explained about recently discovering that hermaphrodites were allowed to change their birth certificates and how I needed the case notes for evidence of physical abnormality and anomaly to present to the Home Office, Identity and Passport Service (Gestapo HQ).
Despite the fact that Mr Eastwood had retired, Saint James had no objection to medically qualified staff accessing my surgical file. Most had already been in the public domain for decades, with my identity changed to that of a hairdresser (sexist – tut, tut) from Barnsley. With a thick black bar across my eyes in all the photographs taken just before surgery, when I still remained blissfully unaware of the nightmare into which, I would awake as a hermaphrodite. Without the balls for successful assignment as female and was in medical terms fucked, completely fucked if I was ever to be anything but a eunuch with the weak and feeble body of a hermaphrodite.
Hundreds, if not thousands of medical proffessionals had accessed this surgical file and seen the photographs of a thirty year old untreated hermaphrodite, another ‘freak of the week’. A living nightmare compounded by repeated misdiagnosis, I would hope no other hermaphrodite should ever have to go through again. Thanks to modern diagnostic tools and the fact that at the time, there was no successful surgical intervention for individuals with this form of hermaphroditism.
There being, so I am reliable informed, only four cases of this form of hermaphroditism surgically treat by the British National Health Service, with sixteen ‘sigmoid colon’ procedures having been performed since I became the first. The last best hope of a minority so small, we did not have our own support group outside ‘intersex associations’ and freak sites upon the web.
Just so long as I included written agreement for the General Registry to access my surgical file, Saint James had no problems with confidentiality. It is not like it was a current case and I still being treat it all happened decades ago. When the world was a different place and I still optimistic of a life of sorts, before fates inconsiderate workings set with the rigidity of death all around my hopes and dreams.
In the form of the unconvicted criminals Tony (God is telling me to invade Iraq) Bear and John (bullyboy) Presscoat, a man with all the charisma and personality of a rusty ball bearing. A brain the size of a horseshoe bat with premature senility and a ‘bing, bang, bung, bonus’ mentality that transcended conscience and morality.
I give the relevant details of the surgical file and included from myself a confidentiality waver. Having posted the application for a birth certificate correction based upon biological reasons to the General Registry. Fully expecting anything and everything to be done in order to delay or refuse on a technicality my application.
This was just too good an opportunity for Tony (God is talking to me and telling me to invade Iraq) Bear and his Master of Inquisition, Pope Adolph the Persecutor. Not to do anything and everything they could to ensure I continued to be refused legal recognition and rights as a hermaphrodite, ‘life unworthy of life’ damned in the moment of birth to the pits of Hell.
Not for nothing has the criminal bully and Liebour Minister for religious persecution and hate crime, the Right Horrible John (BullyBoy) Presscoat and his criminal fiends in the Nazi Lying Liebour. Ensured that after two and a half years I am no closer now to getting medical treatment than when I first asked for help. For thirty-six years after I was refused treatment at the countries first and only Gender Identity Unit because the Doctor in charge did not think I was a transsexual. Thirty years after surgery when it finally became clear I was a hermaphrodite, Bear and Presscoat continued to lie to assorted mad and bad of religious fundamentalism that I was a transsexual.
A crime they felt merited constant torture, harassment, wall to wall bullying at the ‘heart of darkness’ that was John Presscoats old east Hull Parliamentary Constituency. His own feudal, robber Baron Fiefdom to corrupt and abuse by proxy syndrome with lies, lies and razor blade encrusted spin. That was without taking into account the organisational discrimination against old hermaphrodites I had been warned to expect from Gestapo HQ and those who do the persecution and discrimination mostly for money. Because all it ever takes for evil to thrive and prosper, is that men and woman remain silent. Shame upon you all!
I received the following reply from Gestapo HQ:
‘Dear Ms …
Thank you for your letter dated 21st November, regarding your application for correction to your birth entry, and enclosing a copy of your authority letter to Saint James’ University Hospital.
As I explained in my previous letter any application for a correction to the sex of a child, as recorded in the birth entry, needs to be accompanied by specific medical evidence to show that at the time of the birth the child concerned was not of the sex recorded in the entry. Furthermore the criteria used by the Register general for determining sex are biological i.e. external genitalia, gonadal and chromosomal. Unfortunately due to the onus of producing evidence falling upping the applicant we feel that it would be inappropriate for us to approach Saint James’ for this information.
However I would suggest that if you advise your medical practitioner or Consultant as to the requirements for such a correction as explained above they may be able to provide the necessary medical evidence, or identify the supporting evidence from your records.
I am sorry that we are unable to help in respect of gathering the necessary evidence but once you have obtained it we will be in a position to consider the matter further.
If you or your medical practitioner/Consultant requires anything further from us please don’t hesitate to come back to me!’
I don’t think so!
Because whatever I do will not be good enough for these people, Nazi Lying Liebour and their criminal conspiracy at the heart of British politics will make sure of that. Just as they have consistently denied me medical treatment, or that after thirty six years they have been able to lie and lie again about me being a transsexual, which I was not and never have been, along with all the other delusion, lies, slander and liable they are free to make up as they go on and on and on and on and on ...
To be honest, I am ashamed I even applied to Gestapo HQ for a birth certificate correction, it is after all, the temple of society’s two sex tyranny – male/female – in complete disregard of the fact that medically, scientifically there are five sexes chromosomally; male, female, herms, ferms and merms.
This is not rock and roll, this is genocide against all born different to the numerically dominant sexes of male and female. With hermaphrodites denied legal recognition and rights from the 18th century onwards. The two sex tyranny imposed by the ‘normals’ remains the only game in town, or be refused legal recognition, the right to a family life, the right to any form of employment beyond working in the sex industry, or existing in poverty on state benefits.
Denied acknowledgement and rights as a hermaphrodite, a member of a third, fourth and fifth sex. Refused a personal identity, a collective history and human rights unless surgically modified to become male or female. Why? Because we are such a small group of people, it does not matter and the genocide continues in our best interest, one here, one there. Play the two-sex tyranny game with Gestapo HQ, I don’t think so! I will see you in court.
This is not rock and roll, this is genocide. The unrelenting ethnic cleansing of countless generations of hermaphrodites, for the unforgivable crime of being born different to the ‘normals’. Who deny medical and scientific evidence that chromosomally there are five sexes not two. Who continue to deny any born hermaphrodites legal rights and recognition as anything but male and female. Who continue to scare all diagnosed at or shortly after birth, with the life long trauma and personal doubts following irreversible, non-consensual surgery. Who even after irreversible surgery, never let you forget what you were, are, different, a hermaphrodite.
A species that for hundreds of years has been ethnically cleansed from societies collective consciousness, unless as mythical creatures existing only in the pre-history of humanity – hermaphrodites – whose existence, personal identity, collective history, legal recognition and rights, have been denied to countless generations.
For whom life would be made into a lie, a deception, a shame whose name could not be spoken by good, God fearing men and women, if life it be. When the Doctors and Priests have finished lying, altering, adapting and removing all traces of hermaphrodites from contemporary western society because as everyone knows, God created only male and female. RUBBISH!
‘Sigmoids’ - A Thirty Year Retrospective - The Final Word
What a refreshing change after two and a half years of trying to get treatment from the local Health Authority, to speak with someone who actually knew what they were talking about. If only the clinical nurse of a man regarded as the countries most experienced surgeon involved with the treatment of hermaphroditism in all its forms.
Because after a brief telephone conversation during which, I explained the difficulties I was experiencing with my ‘sigmoid colon’, this proved to be a Eureka moment when all the pieces of the puzzle finally began to make sense. I did not need one, two, three or four ‘z plasty’, I simply needed stretching. Not an altogether unknown problem for ‘sigmoids’ who were sexually active and living their ‘penis envy’ to the full, especially as they get older.
For reasons that I do not yet fully understand, the ‘sigmoid’ becomes bent or kinked, which is why when you try to insert something (penis/vibrator) it feels as if it is constricted and will then try to push the out the object being inserted. Which is the part that I personally find to be painful, extremely painful and all I now do rather than force the object past the ‘pusher’, is attempt to stop it being forced out.
At least I now understand why the whole thing was like some Esher stairway. When at one point I can be in five inches then, without the object being withdrawn but actually pushed deeper, it is in only three inches. Because the ‘sigmoid’ has become bent or kinked, not constricted through repeated penetration but bent or kinked because of the physical pounding it takes during intercourse. Combined with a loss of elasticity through age and a tendency for sections of the colon to fold, bend, or kink naturally, without being used surgically for purposes it was not intended for.
Perhaps that is why the average ‘normal’ only has a five-inch vagina, according to the clinical nurse I spoke with. Something to feel superior about as a ‘sigmoid’, because thanks to the genius of the surgeons. I like many ‘sigmoids’, was able to indulge my penis envy to the full, as it were. Five inches!
Personally I always like deep penetration and of the two principle phenotypes amongst ‘cocks’ (penis), I preferred the long thin ones (the throat ticklers) to the short fat ones. Due to ongoing difficulties with the ‘join’ and the inability of scare tissue to stretch, the long thin ones provide more pleasure and less pain. Five inches!
Poor things, they just do not know what they are missing, only they did not have to go through what the average ‘sigmoid’ did for those extra inches, or live with unresolved penis envy many hermaphrodites are born with and to. When the medical profession gave either sex drive (male) or libido (female), where once there was only a living death, a numbness, an emptiness inhabited by those born Holy Innocents without the sin of sex, to be the alone with the Alone. Those who did not naturally virilise with the onset of puberty, whose apparently normally formed male genitalia did not develop beyond that of a five-year-old child’s, for a variety of biological reasons.
At least I now have a clearer understanding of why intercourse started to become increasingly painful and unsatisfactory, as I began to slowly fill with sperm (use a condom) and be penetrated less deeply. In particular why getting anything thicker than a pencil up the ‘sigmoid’ (which sounds like a Carry On film – Up The ‘Sigmoid’) is currently so painful, difficult and time consuming.
I just wish I had known this ten years ago when I first started having difficulties. Because at the time I though that is it, fucked, it was after all experimental surgery and at the time no one, not even the surgeons knew if it would work, or what the long-term consequences might be. Would I end up having to shit in a bag (stoma)? Could I successfully have intercourse with a man and most important of all, could I orgasm?
At least I had twenty good years, when sex was an addiction and orgasm the drug of choice, after love, lust and masturbation. And before you ask, yes I do orgasm, I was fortunate enough to orgasm the second time that I went to bed with a man. ‘Sigmoids’ orgasm exactly the same as ‘normals’, at least according to friends I spoke with at the time. Having by this point had my brain melt and gone terminally fluffy, kitten soft and weak at the knees in the presence of male beauty.
Praise the Lord and pass the HRT, the treatment worked for me as I hope it worked for you. That you to were freed from the living death that is hermaphroditism, or as is usually the case, being buried alive for someone else’s crime. When most people know that the average hermaphrodite is infertile and if supposedly male, probably impotent.
How the surgeon would stretch my ‘sigmoid’ I did not ask at the time, has anyone had a stretch and how do they do it? Partly because I had this image in my mind of a medieval torture machine called a ‘rack’ and a poor woman, screaming in agony as stretching her, they pulled her arms and legs from there sockets.
Being a particle person, the real reason for not asking how it would be stretched, was because I had long ago given up any hope of treatment, having received non in the past two and a half years. In fact I have received no treatment or an accurate diagnosis in sixty years from the local Health Authority.
With me having to again apply to the local Health Authority’s ‘exceptional treatments’ request panel, in an attempt just to get the funding for an initial consultation with a surgeon. Something no woman would have to do, and they continue to bullshit and lie that intersex patients have the same rights and treatment as the ‘normals’, shame upon you all.
A process that was supposed to take a month for them to make a decision, only when I first applied, now over a year and a half ago, it took over six months because letters supposedly sent, requesting more information, magically went missing in the post.
Same old, same old crimes and criminals at the heart of darkness that is Nazi Lying Liebour’s own private fiefdom, the only difference this time around is that I no longer expect to get any medical treatment. Have in truth had non from the local Health Authority in sixty years as a hermaphrodite and I do not see them starting now. Not with Presscoat and son, still pulling the almost invisible strings that bind and blind, the politically and personally useful.
For months I have known that either I sort this problem with my ‘sigmoid’ myself, or I am well and truly fucked. Because Tony Bear, his company ‘Torturing Tyrants International’ and El Douche Presscoat will continue to ensure that I get not medical treatment through fare means or fowl. Just as they will continue to ensure I am targeted and will never get legal rights and recognition for being the hermaphrodite I unfortunately was and am.
It is just so much easier to bully, persecute, target and torture someone if you can continue to lie about them being a transsexual to the religious fundamentalists. When as my surgical records and accompanying photographs clearly show, I did not even have the balls for successful assignment as female, at least on the plus side, I never needed breast implants.
The Shame of Shame …
The shame of shame, repeated misdiagnosis, and systemic incompetence by Doctors, medical and administrative staff working for the local Health Authority, effectively, repeatedly destroyed whatever chance of a life I might have had.
Shame because that is what I was mostly made to feel from the age of ten by those around and an unforgiving, uncaring society when it came to physical and psychological differences. Shame that my supposedly male genitalia did not develop as and when it should.
Leaving me forever a victim of penis envy and only to personally aware of my inadequacy and difference, regarding the two sex tyranny religion and its new high Priests, the Doctors, ruthlessly imposed upon the post-industrial revolution waste land, contemporary western societies degenerated into.
As they increasingly used fear to control, define and limit human potential and personal possibility for the dancing puppets. The lever pullers and button pushers of conformity and quality control, over the normals.
Shame that I did not understand what all that boy/man/male stuff was about but had to muddle through, increasingly depending upon secrecy and concealment as I desperately mimicked what others did instinctively, intuitively. Because for reasons I did not yet understand, their instinct's, intuition and physiology was not the same as mine.
Their wants and needs were not mine as a living death slowly stifled and suffocated all I might be, even the hope that I was just physically a late developer, gave way to the many and varied forms of shame, personal failure and physical inadequacy.
Now it was personal and decades ago my only hope came from denial, from hiding the truth to both myself and the world. But that is the way society made you feel decades ago, if born supposedly male with perfectly formed genitalia, you did not virilise along with all the other testosterone, size matters obsessives, sweating steroids as they pumped iron and hit on the girls.
Having but the body of a weak and feeble hermaphrodite, condemned to live the life of another of God’s Holy Innocents, dead, without a sex drive or libido in a vaguely familiar parallel reality, trying to understand, to imagine what life, love and lust were all about. It felt like being cheated, denied a life that bore even the faintest resemblance and recognition to that shared by the ‘normals’ and their secret conspiracies of hormones.
Shame that society, especially over half a century ago, rigidly imposed a two sex tyranny upon western culture, limiting the evolutionary potential of the human condition to transcend the limitations of a single sex; as technological totalitarianism constructed its impenetrable walls around the collective consciousness of western society.
Subjected from the moment of birth to the constrains of production line ‘quality control’, there was no place for imperfection or difference, no acknowledgement that chromosomally there are five sexes, more if you include related physical and psychological differences.
Shame that when I was forced to race against the ‘normals’, I always came last. Shame I had but the weak and feeble body of a hermaphrodite, a thing that crawled imperfect from the primal slime of creation, neither fish nor fowl, wholly male or female.
Inferiority and inadequacy were my ‘birth right’ when compared to the ‘normals’ with their arrogant hormone smiles and ‘used car salesman’ handshakes, as they journeyed effortlessly along the cradle to grave production line of existence. Shame that secrecy and personal denial were my only defence against being born forever different, forever apart from those around me, forever alone with the Alone.
It was the shame of shame that having gone into hospital believing myself to be a transsexual about to undergo reassignment as female, I discovered that not only did I not have enough genital tissue for a successful surgery, I was actually what the Doctors called a hermaphrodite.
It was shame that made me resolve to take this secret to my grave, to tell no one why I returned home as if one dead and without hope. Other than the operation had not been successful and I would need further surgery. Once I recovered sufficiently from the physical traumas of surgery and psychological horror of being a eunuch, a hermaphrodite whose only hope of life, if life it be, lay with the considerable personal trauma of ‘skin grafts’. Well and truly up shit creek without a paddle, or anything firm and substantial to build anew upon.
For me, secrecy had long ago become my only defence against the social and personal shame of being born different to the two sex tyranny of religious fundamentalism. It felt more like been dead than being dead as I frantically tried to join the dots, and glimpse what life for the ‘normals’ was all about in their alien world. Their vaguely familiar parallel reality that reach for as I might, I could never touch, never understand or ever experience as anything but a bemused spectator, a Holy Innocent born without sex drive or libido.
It was the shame of shame and a medical nightmare seemingly without end or hope, which forced me to spent half my life not knowing what I was and why. Then the other half to ashamed and embarrassed to admit to myself and the world, what I was. A weak and feeble hermaphrodite, without even the balls for a successful sex change operation.
Though being a hermaphrodite I was not so much changing my sex because I was born partly male and partly female but wholly neither, more modifying abnormality and contradiction to become my chosen sex. Because unlike many hermaphrodites diagnosed at or shortly after birth, I was fortunate enough to escape the life long scarring and trauma of non-consensual surgery, performed upon young children for cosmetic reasons, or the forced imposition of medicines two sex tyranny.
When clinically, chromosomally there are five distinct and fundamentally different sexes, not two, not just male and female. There are the 46XX/XY true hermaphrodites born with ovaries and testes, the 47/48 XXY/XXXY female and male pseudo-hermaphrodites. All who since the 18th Century have been ethnically cleansed from humanities collective consciousness, denied legal recognition and rights as like square pegs, we are forced into round holes.
This is not rock and roll. This is genocide against difference, against any born members of a third, fourth and fifth sex into the two sex tyranny of the ‘normals’ and the Gestapo Doctors who policed perfection and physical difference. After all what toilet would such a child use, what showers would they go in after games?
Let me give you a clue, I like the majority of hermaphrodites hated games and as for a toilet. I would rather pee in a bucket than have society continue to deny what should be a fundamental right of all hermaphrodites in the 21st Century, the right to choose our own sex. To live in a society where difference is celebrated, not hidden away along with all the freaks, those physically/psychologically damaged, imperfect or disabled.
The systematic genocide against us by the medical profession and a complicate legal structure, launched centuries ago by scientific rationalism and man’s hand-crafted lies, delusions write large and unquestionable in the Vatican Codex, must be stopped now!
Victims all, damaged and in many cases scarred for life by the treatments imposed by deluded but well meaning parents, pressured by well meaning but deluded Doctors into consenting to irreversible surgical procedures in the name of normality. The one thing those born different, born hermaphrodites can never have beyond being ‘freak of the week’.
Buried alive by the two sex tyranny of the Voodoo pin stickers, snake kissers and all born talking in tongues out of their arses about the fundamentals of religious fundamentalism, or the military and industrial complexes favourite revolutionary revelation – Armageddon. When the earth will run with rivers of blood and bla … bla … bla … nutters! Dangerous, deluded nutters, who should not be in charge of a public toilet, let alone a country with the nuclear power to completely destroy the earth several times over. The fate of all ‘mankind’ I fear, is in the hands of liars, control freaks and fools.
It was the shame of shame and determination of corrupt, lying, delusional, control freak, criminal politicians like Tony Bear and the Right Horrible John Presscoat, AKA Baron Von Munchhousen by proxy syndrome, to cover over the truth. To sell promises and lies like ‘cut and shut’ wrecks to an eager, unsuspecting electorate. Protected by their Teflon coating, just to ensure non-of the shit they constantly threw should stick to them and the truth out.
I was, am a transsexual, I could do this, they could stop me working … bla … bla … bla … bla … nutters! Dangerous, deluded, demented criminal nutters who would sell you lies as truth, ‘cut and shut’ policies as safe, reliable, family car’s amidst an endless, unavoidable stream of razor-blade encrusted spin. As they crawled through another sewer full of rancid shit, only to emerge smelling of roses, decomposing democracy and freedom, essence of sleaze and au de toilet of technological totalitarianism. Even despots and elected dictators fall if pushed hard enough.
To long have hermaphrodites been denied a history, a culture, a personal identity, legal rights and the chance to simply be what we are beyond the two sex tyranny and ethnic cleansing of the medical profession. To long have we existed like freaks, medical curiosities in a fair-ground ‘hall of cracked, distorting mirrors’ wanting only what we can never have, normality, personal acceptance and forgiveness for the unforgivable crime of being born hermaphrodites, of being born different.
To long have we gone silent and accepting into the operating theatres and consulting rooms, suffering mutilation, pain, and personal trauma in search of social acceptance. To long have hermaphrodites been marginalized and regarded as things to be denied, damned and destroyed by the ‘normals’ for the convenience of a two sex reality.
To long have hermaphrodites been refused legal and social rights in contravention of national and international laws, to long have hermaphrodites, many born ‘Holy Innocents’ without the sin of sex drive or libido, been damned by the Priests of hate. To long have hermaphrodites been ethnically cleansed from this world and it’s collective consciousness, its shared reality, and social structures. To long …
Next Blog: Department of Health Briefing 11 and why hermaphrodites (refered to as intersex people) remain a reluctant after thought in the Governments ‘Transgender Action Plan’:
Blogging about the military and industrial complex at: http://ser101.wordpress.com/
They Simply Smile That Way ……
A monthly blog about ‘stuff’ your grandmother could or would never tell you!
I Have A Dream
Like many hermaphrodites of a certain age and from an earlier generation, life for me was at best a spectator sport. Something that as with sexuality from before the trauma of puberty, turned a thousand cracked and broken cog wheels making life an unending, slow motion, motorway smash in thickening fog.
With incompetent Doctor’s turning what was already traumatic enough, into a medical nightmare seemingly without hope or end. Because even if the uncaring members of the medical profession knew that an individual had one of the three principle forms of hermaphroditism; 46 XY/XX ‘true hermaphrodites’ born with ovaries and testes, female pseudo-hermaphroditism or male pseudo-hermaphroditism. They would intentionally keep it secret from both the patient (even if old enough to understand) and their family, though God knows why?
But that is how it was during the ‘dark ages’ of diagnosis and treatment for those born different to the two sex tyranny imposed by religion, legal and medical proffessionals in the name of normality. Though things have improved over the last half a century, especially regarding the diagnosis of 46 XX/XY ‘true hermaphrodites’ born with ovaries and perfectly formed male genitalia, which does not then develop normally; thanks to modern technology and CT scanning techniques.
Unfortunately, the centuries old persecution and global genocide against hermaphrodites in all their forms continues without debate or question. While of all minority groups in modern western society at the start of the 21st century, hermaphrodites continue to be the only ones denied legal recognition and rights unless surgically modified to become male or female. Despite the incontrovertible scientific and medical evidence that there are five sexes chromosomally, not two, not just male and female.
Ever was it that genocide against the ‘other’ had been perpetrated upon a scientific falsehood told repeatedly as incontrovertible, unquestionable truth, reinforced by man’s religious delusions and lies as exemplified in the Vatican Codex, shame upon you all. This is not rock and roll, this is genocide!
Is it simply because we are such a small group of people (sic), one here, one there that no one notices the ethnic cleansing of all born different, imperfect and deformed? Is this why global genocide against hermaphrodites continues unquestioned, because it is in the best interest of all born different to be surgically made the same, made into male or female physically? Regardless of the psychological consequences of surgical procedures performed non-consensually against children.
Whose parents, already sick with worry and self guilt are pressured into consenting to irreversible surgical procedures, performed to give the patient a normal life – even though the Doctors will never let you forget what you were, or fully accept you for what you are. To these people we remain freaks, medical curiosity’s to talk about at this year’s international conference on this or that ism/ology, or laboratory specimens to dissect and experiment upon in the name of scientific perfection and normality.
The only people who are going to speak out and stop the continuing ethnic cleansing and genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites, are us, other hermaphrodites. Alone we are just silent victims of the medical professions unremitting war against imperfection and difference, by coming together with a single voice and purpose; we have a collective strength greater than the numerically small group of people we are.
Alone we are apathetic and accepting of the medical professions fundamental weapon of destruction, divide and conquer. Ethnically cleansing the word hermaphrodite and its connotations from the collective consciousness and social reality of western civilisation; they made us into something resembling an after thought. ‘Intersex patients’, things that are neither fish nor fowl, creatures existing between the bipolar reality of male and female when Biblically, anything else must be the work of the Devil and Satan’s spawn.
Personally I refuse to use the term ‘intersex’ because I am not somehow physically between the dominate two sex tyranny, technological totalitarianism imposes at the moment of birth – pink or blue, girl or boy, female or male. The consequences of which, are inescapable and for some as devastating as a nuclear explosion.
It is generally Doctors or medical professionals, who control and run the majority of ‘intersex’ associations and organisations, especially in the west. But as everyone intuitively knows, hermaphrodites are incapable of making decisions for themselves, especially about something as fundamental as which sex to become. We need Doctors and medical professionals to perform non consensual surgery upon young hermaphrodites, only Doctors are capable of caring for us by thoughtfully establishing, running and completely controlling the medical imposition of genocide and ethnic cleansing upon hermaphrodites, by creating ‘intersex’ associations for us.
Usually part funded by a multinational drugs company looking for an endless supply of intersex patients to experiment upon in the name of science and year on year share dividend increases, for those who long ago had their humanity and conscience surgically removed. The Doctors who continue to control most intersex associations give their time free, just to be able to oppress and help (if help it be) those born different, to become almost normal.
Clearly we, hermaphrodites, are not capable of talking or thinking for ourselves. With many denied the fundamental right to choose their own sex, even when we try to come together through national or international self help groups. In order to learn from each other’s experiences, to create a collective history (long refused to hermaphrodites) and personal identity.
The Doctors and medical professionals insist upon creating and running such organisations for us, by depending upon that gold standard of totalitarianism, divide and conquer (a fundamental of social control). Already a small group of people, hermaphrodites are divided into specialist support groups with limited individual interests and agenda’s.
Numerically isolated, invisibility and the enduring delusion that it is in our best interest, are used to justify the unjustifiable oppression of hermaphrodites and silent genocide of countless generations of Holy Innocents, inside the sterile operating theatres and sound-proof consulting rooms of concentration camp Europe, the new Fourth Reich.
Like many born different, I have a dream that somehow I might leave this world a better place to be born a hermaphrodite, than I found it sixty years ago during the dark ages medically, socially and culturally. For decades I though that I had at least done a little something to help those with specific forms of hermaphroditism, who like me had insufficient genital tissue for successful assignment as female, by becoming a faceless laboratory rodent to experiment upon.
At least the procedure worked, personally traumatic though it was being the first ‘sigmoid’ in the United Kingdom. Though from what I currently understand, the procedure remains essentially unchanged and has been performed only sixteen times upon the National Health Service, since.
The thing is, I would really like to do more to help hermaphrodites around the world, because we are such a small group of people it falls to us to help each other and ourselves regardless of the particular form of hermaphroditism we live with. In the United Kingdom the legal structure and law certainly has not since the 18th century, when deciding for ourselves the sex we wished to live our lives as, was taken away by the Priests of hate and the growing influence of the medical profession.
I have a dream, not of a charity and the pity they feed upon, but of a non profit making Private Limited Company run by and for all hermaphrodites.
HELP – Hermaphrodites Entering Life Project
In my dream HELP would work towards making this world more accepting of hermaphrotitism in all its forms, through a three-prong approach:
Campaigning:
National Bill of Rights
Legal Recognition and RightsAn End to the two sex tyranny of the 'normals'
Celebrating difference
Personal - offering Peer Support from individuals with the same form of hermaphrodirtism
Social - helping parents resist the medical hysteria for treatment and allowing children to decide for themselves if they want surgical intervention, providing practical support to family, friends and in a wider social context, school/work/religion/society.
Medical – providing financial assistance to individuals, who decide to have surgical intervention, especially those in third world countries with little or no hope of treatment and support throughout their lives.
Legal – changing birth certificates, recognition and rights.
Informing:
Personal – help with basic education were necessary.
Legal Rights
Social – giving hermaphrodites a social and personal history, so long denied through ethnic cleansing and the systematic genocide of the ‘normals’.
Cultural – implications of the two sex tyranny when medically and scientifically there are five.
Medical – educating the medical profession and working together in order to empower hermaphrodites to take control of their lives and any treatment they may choose to have.
The following extract is from The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female Are Not Enough, By Anne Fausto-Sterling. Published in The Sciences March/April 1993, p. 20-24. Anne Fausto-Sterling is Professor of Biology and Women's Studies in the Department of Molecular and Cell Biology and Biochemistry at Brown University. Professor Fausto-Sterling's book, entitled Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, appeared in February, 2000.
‘But what if things were altogether different? Imagine a world in which the same knowledge that has enabled medicine to intervene in the management of intersexual patients has been placed at the service of multiple sexualities. Imagine that the sexes have multiplied beyond currently imaginable limits. It would have to be a world of shared powers. Patient and physician, parent and child, male and female, heterosexual and homosexual all those oppositions and others would have to be dissolved as sources of division. A new ethic of medical treatment would arise, one that would permit ambiguity in a culture that had overcome sexual division. The central mission of medical treatment would be to preserve life. Thus hermaphrodites would be concerned primarily not about whether they can conform to society but about whether they might develop potentially life-threatening conditions hernias, gonadal tumors, salt imbalance caused by adrenal malfunction that sometimes accompany hermaphroditic development. In my ideal world medical intervention for intersexuals would take place only rarely before the age of reason; subsequent treatment would be a cooperative venture between physician, patient and other advisers trained in issues of gender multiplicity.
I do not pretend that the transition to my utopia would be smooth. Sex, even the supposedly "normal," heterosexual kind, continues to cause untold anxieties in Western society. And certainly a culture that has yet to come to grips religiously and, in some states, legally with the ancient and relatively uncomplicated reality of homosexual love will not readily embrace intersexuality. No doubt the most troublesome arena by far would be the rearing of children. Parents, at least since the Victorian era, have fretted, sometimes to the point of outright denial, over the fact that their children are sexual beings.
All that and more amply explains why intersexual children are generally squeezed into one of the two prevailing sexual categories. But what would be the psychological consequences of taking the alternative road raising children as unabashed intersexuals? On the surface that tack seems fraught with peril. What, for example, would happen to the intersexual child amid the unrelenting cruelty of the school yard? When the time came to shower in gym class, what horrors and humiliations would await the intersexual as his/her anatomy was displayed in all its nontraditional glory? In whose gym class would s/he register to begin with? What bathroom would s/he use? And how on earth would Mom and Dad help shepherd him/her through the mine field of puberty?
In the past thirty years those questions have been ignored, as the scientific community has, with remarkable unanimity, avoided contemplating the alternative route of unimpeded intersexuality. But modem investigators tend to overlook a substantial body of case histories, most of them compiled between 1930 and 1960, before surgical intervention became rampant. Almost without exception, those reports describe children who grew up knowing they were intersexual (though they did not advertise it) and adjusted to their unusual status. Some of the studies are richly detailed described at the level of gym-class showering (which most intersexuals avoided without incident); in any event, there is not a psychotic or a suicide in the lot.
Still, the nuances of socialization among intersexuals cry out for more sophisticated analysis. Clearly, before my vision of sexual multiplicity can be realized, the first openly intersexual children and their parents will have to be brave pioneers who will bear the brunt of society's growing pains. But in the long view though it could take generations to achieve the prize might be a society in which sexuality is something to be celebrated for its subtleties; and not something to be feared or ridiculed.’
I have a dream that one day this will be a better world to be born different, to be born a hermaphrodite. I have been to the top of the mountain and seen the promise land beyond, I may not get there with you (with apologies to Dr King), I have a dream ….
Gestapo HQ – Room C202, Smedley Hydro, Southport
Gestapo HQ, in particular the occupants of Room C202 and the harassment, the suffering endemic within the blood stained walls at Smedley Hydro, Southport. Remain ever vigilant in the unending war against difference, against those unfortunate enough to be born partly male and partly female but wholly neither. Those neither fish nor fowl who centuries ago were ethnically cleansed from the Western collective consciousness by an unquestionable, unforgiving religion of hate. Created for men by like-minded men, still in love with global conquest and unending empire.
Damned, denied and personally destroyed this was unspoken, unreported genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites whose only crime was to be born different, members of a third, fourth and fifth sex chromosomally. Many who would be damaged, scarred for life by non-consensual surgery, performed for cosmetic reasons shortly after birth, to make them either male or female.
To force square pegs into round holes through a conspiracy of consensus that would deny hermaphrodites a collective history, legal recognition and rights unless surgically altered, they lived lives of quite desperation. Pretending to be something they, we are not and never will be, normal males and females.
To long have the west’s contemporary concentration camps exterminated all hermaphrodites, unseen, uncriticised by those who for convenience, collectively looked the other way and turned up the sound on their televisions to drowned out the muffled cries and screams from the operating theatres and consulting rooms.
After all, it is in our own best interest to live life pretending to be something we are not, worrying about talking in our sleep and feeling like a deleted message; a species who, for hundreds of years. Have been ethnically cleansed from society through the tribal fury of genocide, against countless generations of hermaphrodites but what does it matter? We are such a small group of individuals and imminently expendable, while excess was ever the destroyer of over enthusiastic genocide against the ‘other’, that which is different, alien to the collective consciousness and shared delusions of contemporary society.
Which is why systematic genocide for hundreds of years against hermaphrodites has gone unquestioned, unnoticed by the ‘normals’, by those condemned and controlled by fear of anything different, anything that questioned or contradicted organised religions established, historic Fibonacci Lie Sequence (Prime). Because we are such a small group of people, what does it matter that we continue to be denied legal recognition and rights for what we are, different. While what should be a fundamental right of all hermaphrodites, the right to choose our own sex was abolished in the 18th Century.
That we, hermaphrodites can be systematically exterminated, ethnically cleansed from all but mythology, where we remain but fantastic creatures, contradiction given form and flesh as ‘freak of the week’. With the medical profession increasingly becoming guardians of religions two-sex tyranny in a man’s world.
Like pinning a tail on the donkey, they assigned a sex based upon the physiology of an alien race comprised of only male or female. While ethnically cleansing hermaphrodites from society and its collective history by denying a personal identity, a collective history, a possibility of life as anything but either male or female to those born different.
Those destined to be surgically altered in order to conform, or be gassed, exterminated in order to protect the illusions of a society created to limit individual potential and human sexuality to the either/or certainty of the 'normals’. Who are but male and female in a rainbow world of possibility and evolutionary adaptation.
The General Registry of the Home Office Identity & Passport Service (Gestapo HQ) and those in freshly polished ‘Jack Boots’ goose-stepping round the interrogation and torture suits, happily humming the ‘water boarding’ man’s mournful song: ‘Splish, splash, splosh, tell us what you know tosh? Before we immerse your head under water and almost drowned you again’. Sung to a ‘bunga bunga’ Latin beat.
Lived up to all I had been warned to expect from some of its previous victims, those who had already learnt that help was a relative term inside Gestapo HQ. Where with cattle prod, tasser, discrimination, and social exclusion, they used positive discrimination against all older hermaphrodites, to liven up another terminally boring bureaucratic working day.
Making anew the wax figures, the Voodoo dolls into which they would push and work the hand crafted silver pins, while talking in tongues of gas chambers, ethnic cleansing and unbridled genocide against any born hermaphrodites, who expected help and support from the Home Office.
Even had I not been warned what to expect from the faceless ‘Stormtroopers’ inside Gestapo HQ, with their inherent belief in discrimination against older hermaphrodites. By those above the law, those untouchable and unaccountable inside the interrogation and torture suits deep under the Home Office Identity & Passport Service building at Smedley Hydro (plenty of the basic requirements for ‘water boarding then?), Southport.
That first telephone contact with those controlling Room 202, through which you will be mercilessly discriminated against, should have warned me about their intent and organisational discrimination against older hermaphrodites. When I was told in no uncertain terms there was nothing the Gestapo could do, other than take my name and address, in order to have my front door kicked in and life completely destroyed at a later date.
According to the script perfect initial contact, I could always apply to a Gender Identity Panel for a birth certificate, only I would have to pretend to be a transsexual. Because such panels were established under government statute, in order to give limited rights to transsexuals whose name and address would be held in ‘Gender Recognition Register’, in order to have their front door kicked in, and life completely destroyed at a later date. When the ‘concentration camp’ furnaces in the crematoria again glow white hot, to dispose of the remains of all ‘life unworthy of life’ within the borders of the Fourth Reich.
Such was the Gestapo HQ’s determination not to help older hermaphrodites; even contact staff were trained from induction to believe the organisational discrimination and bias. Spread, preached by those with ‘cattle prod’ and electrode in hand, stamping upon older hermaphrodites as if annoying insects. To be squashed flat and lifeless without a second thought, more a sacred duty than training manual exercise in neo-classical genocide against old hermaphrodites, those born decades ago during the ‘dark ages’.
Before scans and accurate diagnosis was anything more than throwing a bundle of bones upon the consulting room floor and crossing your fingers. Why only last year announced the woman at Gestapo HQ proudly, we had an intersex lady awarded a birth certificate through the Gender Recognition Panel.
Most of us born hermaphrodites but denied legal recognition and rights because of incompetent, lying Doctors, who just made what was already a nightmare a thousand times worse. Further compounding the trauma of inaccurate diagnosis, by failing to mention that hermaphrodites had at least the illusion of a life and could change their birth certificates, already know about systemic discrimination against old hermaphrodites and specific forms of hermaphroditism in children.
Having duly read the ‘Gender Recognition Act’ and related appendices, I wrote to the relevant parties complaining about older hermaphrodites being forced to go before Gender Recognition Panels in order to correct an original birth certificate entry. Panels established to sit in judgement upon transsexuals as no where does it mention hermaphroditism in any of its forms, or even intersex patients.
Consequently the use of Gender Recognition Panels to sit in judgement over hermaphrodites is a clear and flagrant breach of the Gender Recognition Act. Because transsexuals and hermaphrodites are not the same physically or psychologically, nor are the forms of consensual medical intervention some require the same.
Hermaphrodites are born partly male and partly female (he/she) but wholly neither male nor female, rather members of a third, fourth and fifth sex chromosomally. Referred to as herms, merms and ferms in The Five Sexes: Why Male and Female Are Not Enough, By Anne Fausto-Sterling. Published in The Sciences March/April 1993, p. 20-24. Anne Fausto-Sterling is Professor of Biology and Women's Studies in the Department of Molecular and Cell Biology and Biochemistry at Brown University. Professor Fausto-Sterling's book, entitled Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality, appeared in February 2000.
To become victims all to the centuries old genocide against hermaphroditism in all its forms by the ‘normals’, who at the start of the 21st Century continue to deny fundamental human rights and legal recognition to hermaphrodites. Unless surgically altered, adapted to become something resembling the dominant two sex tyranny imposed by the Priests of hate and policed by the eager but deluded Doctors. Willing to scare their patients for life with the illusion of normality for hermaphrodites born to be bullied and excluded, proud to be different to the ‘normals’ (boring) with their two sex tyranny. The cradle to grave ‘sameness’ of expectation and experience, for what might as well be two fundamentally different species
Initial responses to my complaint about older hermaphrodites having to use ‘Gender Recognition Panels’ to change their birth certificates. Indicated that the principle driving force behind this flagrant abuse of European Human Rights would appear to be the Home Office, Identity & Passport Service at Gestapo HQ, Room C202, Smedley Hydro, Southport.
Shame upon you all for the distress, anxiety and suffering you intentionally, callously inflict upon older hermaphrodites regardless of case and circumstance. By people who, if forced to consider changing the birth certificate of older hermaphrodites, rather than that of a cuddly little hermaphrodite baby, traumatised and scarred for life by non consensual surgery to make them appear genitally more male or female. Experience a complete brain short circuit and relying upon training, go into personal denial about the organisational discrimination and criminal activity of the Home Office, Identity, & Passport Service.
When no matter what older hermaphrodites do in order to change their birth certificate it will not be satisfactory, with the case being intentionally drawn out for years until they either give in, lose the will to continue and die, or go to a Gender Recognition Panel.
In reply to my letter of complaint dated 18th November (see last blog), Gestapo HQ replied (see last blog), stating that there were now actually two ways for individuals to change their birth certificates. Either through the corrections department in Room 202 based upon biological reasons, i.e. external genitalia, gonadal and chromosomal; or through one of the Gender Recognition Panels.
Where could I get evidence of biological abnormality? Given that I had surgery decades ago (the surgeon Mr Eastwood having retired), while according to the local Health Authority. I continued to be diagnosed as a transsexual, thirty-six years after being refused treatment at the first and only Gender Identity Unit in the country. Because the Doctor in charge did not think I was a transsexual, thirty years after surgery and becoming the first hermaphrodite in the UK, to have what is now known as a ‘sigmoid colon’.
Unfortunately Saint James, where the first ‘sigmoid colon’ procedure was performed upon a hermaphrodite in the UK, usually only kept medical records for eight years before they were destroyed.
Fortunately, this being the first time what was called a ‘colonic resection’ at the time had been performed upon a hermaphrodite. It was extensively publicised in the specialist medical press as being the radical new treatment for hermaphrodites being surgically reassigned as female, but having insufficient genital tissue for surgery to work successfully.
Becoming over the years an acknowledged case study (with photographs) for medical specialists and students, the treatment remains essentially unchanged and for many, their last best hope of a life, if life it be at the hands of a society determined to committee genocide against countless generations of hermaphrodites. Who through no fault of their own are born different.
Consequently the hospital still had copies of Mr Eastwood's surgical notes, documenting the treatment I knowingly became a human guinea pig for. Not that I had much choice because at the time career prospects for eunuchs were little better than zero. Having explained about recently discovering that hermaphrodites were allowed to change their birth certificates and how I needed the case notes for evidence of physical abnormality and anomaly to present to the Home Office, Identity and Passport Service (Gestapo HQ).
Despite the fact that Mr Eastwood had retired, Saint James had no objection to medically qualified staff accessing my surgical file. Most had already been in the public domain for decades, with my identity changed to that of a hairdresser (sexist – tut, tut) from Barnsley. With a thick black bar across my eyes in all the photographs taken just before surgery, when I still remained blissfully unaware of the nightmare into which, I would awake as a hermaphrodite. Without the balls for successful assignment as female and was in medical terms fucked, completely fucked if I was ever to be anything but a eunuch with the weak and feeble body of a hermaphrodite.
Hundreds, if not thousands of medical proffessionals had accessed this surgical file and seen the photographs of a thirty year old untreated hermaphrodite, another ‘freak of the week’. A living nightmare compounded by repeated misdiagnosis, I would hope no other hermaphrodite should ever have to go through again. Thanks to modern diagnostic tools and the fact that at the time, there was no successful surgical intervention for individuals with this form of hermaphroditism.
There being, so I am reliable informed, only four cases of this form of hermaphroditism surgically treat by the British National Health Service, with sixteen ‘sigmoid colon’ procedures having been performed since I became the first. The last best hope of a minority so small, we did not have our own support group outside ‘intersex associations’ and freak sites upon the web.
Just so long as I included written agreement for the General Registry to access my surgical file, Saint James had no problems with confidentiality. It is not like it was a current case and I still being treat it all happened decades ago. When the world was a different place and I still optimistic of a life of sorts, before fates inconsiderate workings set with the rigidity of death all around my hopes and dreams.
In the form of the unconvicted criminals Tony (God is telling me to invade Iraq) Bear and John (bullyboy) Presscoat, a man with all the charisma and personality of a rusty ball bearing. A brain the size of a horseshoe bat with premature senility and a ‘bing, bang, bung, bonus’ mentality that transcended conscience and morality.
I give the relevant details of the surgical file and included from myself a confidentiality waver. Having posted the application for a birth certificate correction based upon biological reasons to the General Registry. Fully expecting anything and everything to be done in order to delay or refuse on a technicality my application.
This was just too good an opportunity for Tony (God is talking to me and telling me to invade Iraq) Bear and his Master of Inquisition, Pope Adolph the Persecutor. Not to do anything and everything they could to ensure I continued to be refused legal recognition and rights as a hermaphrodite, ‘life unworthy of life’ damned in the moment of birth to the pits of Hell.
Not for nothing has the criminal bully and Liebour Minister for religious persecution and hate crime, the Right Horrible John (BullyBoy) Presscoat and his criminal fiends in the Nazi Lying Liebour. Ensured that after two and a half years I am no closer now to getting medical treatment than when I first asked for help. For thirty-six years after I was refused treatment at the countries first and only Gender Identity Unit because the Doctor in charge did not think I was a transsexual. Thirty years after surgery when it finally became clear I was a hermaphrodite, Bear and Presscoat continued to lie to assorted mad and bad of religious fundamentalism that I was a transsexual.
A crime they felt merited constant torture, harassment, wall to wall bullying at the ‘heart of darkness’ that was John Presscoats old east Hull Parliamentary Constituency. His own feudal, robber Baron Fiefdom to corrupt and abuse by proxy syndrome with lies, lies and razor blade encrusted spin. That was without taking into account the organisational discrimination against old hermaphrodites I had been warned to expect from Gestapo HQ and those who do the persecution and discrimination mostly for money. Because all it ever takes for evil to thrive and prosper, is that men and woman remain silent. Shame upon you all!
I received the following reply from Gestapo HQ:
‘Dear Ms …
Thank you for your letter dated 21st November, regarding your application for correction to your birth entry, and enclosing a copy of your authority letter to Saint James’ University Hospital.
As I explained in my previous letter any application for a correction to the sex of a child, as recorded in the birth entry, needs to be accompanied by specific medical evidence to show that at the time of the birth the child concerned was not of the sex recorded in the entry. Furthermore the criteria used by the Register general for determining sex are biological i.e. external genitalia, gonadal and chromosomal. Unfortunately due to the onus of producing evidence falling upping the applicant we feel that it would be inappropriate for us to approach Saint James’ for this information.
However I would suggest that if you advise your medical practitioner or Consultant as to the requirements for such a correction as explained above they may be able to provide the necessary medical evidence, or identify the supporting evidence from your records.
I am sorry that we are unable to help in respect of gathering the necessary evidence but once you have obtained it we will be in a position to consider the matter further.
If you or your medical practitioner/Consultant requires anything further from us please don’t hesitate to come back to me!’
I don’t think so!
Because whatever I do will not be good enough for these people, Nazi Lying Liebour and their criminal conspiracy at the heart of British politics will make sure of that. Just as they have consistently denied me medical treatment, or that after thirty six years they have been able to lie and lie again about me being a transsexual, which I was not and never have been, along with all the other delusion, lies, slander and liable they are free to make up as they go on and on and on and on and on ...
To be honest, I am ashamed I even applied to Gestapo HQ for a birth certificate correction, it is after all, the temple of society’s two sex tyranny – male/female – in complete disregard of the fact that medically, scientifically there are five sexes chromosomally; male, female, herms, ferms and merms.
This is not rock and roll, this is genocide against all born different to the numerically dominant sexes of male and female. With hermaphrodites denied legal recognition and rights from the 18th century onwards. The two sex tyranny imposed by the ‘normals’ remains the only game in town, or be refused legal recognition, the right to a family life, the right to any form of employment beyond working in the sex industry, or existing in poverty on state benefits.
Denied acknowledgement and rights as a hermaphrodite, a member of a third, fourth and fifth sex. Refused a personal identity, a collective history and human rights unless surgically modified to become male or female. Why? Because we are such a small group of people, it does not matter and the genocide continues in our best interest, one here, one there. Play the two-sex tyranny game with Gestapo HQ, I don’t think so! I will see you in court.
This is not rock and roll, this is genocide. The unrelenting ethnic cleansing of countless generations of hermaphrodites, for the unforgivable crime of being born different to the ‘normals’. Who deny medical and scientific evidence that chromosomally there are five sexes not two. Who continue to deny any born hermaphrodites legal rights and recognition as anything but male and female. Who continue to scare all diagnosed at or shortly after birth, with the life long trauma and personal doubts following irreversible, non-consensual surgery. Who even after irreversible surgery, never let you forget what you were, are, different, a hermaphrodite.
A species that for hundreds of years has been ethnically cleansed from societies collective consciousness, unless as mythical creatures existing only in the pre-history of humanity – hermaphrodites – whose existence, personal identity, collective history, legal recognition and rights, have been denied to countless generations.
For whom life would be made into a lie, a deception, a shame whose name could not be spoken by good, God fearing men and women, if life it be. When the Doctors and Priests have finished lying, altering, adapting and removing all traces of hermaphrodites from contemporary western society because as everyone knows, God created only male and female. RUBBISH!
‘Sigmoids’ - A Thirty Year Retrospective - The Final Word
What a refreshing change after two and a half years of trying to get treatment from the local Health Authority, to speak with someone who actually knew what they were talking about. If only the clinical nurse of a man regarded as the countries most experienced surgeon involved with the treatment of hermaphroditism in all its forms.
Because after a brief telephone conversation during which, I explained the difficulties I was experiencing with my ‘sigmoid colon’, this proved to be a Eureka moment when all the pieces of the puzzle finally began to make sense. I did not need one, two, three or four ‘z plasty’, I simply needed stretching. Not an altogether unknown problem for ‘sigmoids’ who were sexually active and living their ‘penis envy’ to the full, especially as they get older.
For reasons that I do not yet fully understand, the ‘sigmoid’ becomes bent or kinked, which is why when you try to insert something (penis/vibrator) it feels as if it is constricted and will then try to push the out the object being inserted. Which is the part that I personally find to be painful, extremely painful and all I now do rather than force the object past the ‘pusher’, is attempt to stop it being forced out.
At least I now understand why the whole thing was like some Esher stairway. When at one point I can be in five inches then, without the object being withdrawn but actually pushed deeper, it is in only three inches. Because the ‘sigmoid’ has become bent or kinked, not constricted through repeated penetration but bent or kinked because of the physical pounding it takes during intercourse. Combined with a loss of elasticity through age and a tendency for sections of the colon to fold, bend, or kink naturally, without being used surgically for purposes it was not intended for.
Perhaps that is why the average ‘normal’ only has a five-inch vagina, according to the clinical nurse I spoke with. Something to feel superior about as a ‘sigmoid’, because thanks to the genius of the surgeons. I like many ‘sigmoids’, was able to indulge my penis envy to the full, as it were. Five inches!
Personally I always like deep penetration and of the two principle phenotypes amongst ‘cocks’ (penis), I preferred the long thin ones (the throat ticklers) to the short fat ones. Due to ongoing difficulties with the ‘join’ and the inability of scare tissue to stretch, the long thin ones provide more pleasure and less pain. Five inches!
Poor things, they just do not know what they are missing, only they did not have to go through what the average ‘sigmoid’ did for those extra inches, or live with unresolved penis envy many hermaphrodites are born with and to. When the medical profession gave either sex drive (male) or libido (female), where once there was only a living death, a numbness, an emptiness inhabited by those born Holy Innocents without the sin of sex, to be the alone with the Alone. Those who did not naturally virilise with the onset of puberty, whose apparently normally formed male genitalia did not develop beyond that of a five-year-old child’s, for a variety of biological reasons.
At least I now have a clearer understanding of why intercourse started to become increasingly painful and unsatisfactory, as I began to slowly fill with sperm (use a condom) and be penetrated less deeply. In particular why getting anything thicker than a pencil up the ‘sigmoid’ (which sounds like a Carry On film – Up The ‘Sigmoid’) is currently so painful, difficult and time consuming.
I just wish I had known this ten years ago when I first started having difficulties. Because at the time I though that is it, fucked, it was after all experimental surgery and at the time no one, not even the surgeons knew if it would work, or what the long-term consequences might be. Would I end up having to shit in a bag (stoma)? Could I successfully have intercourse with a man and most important of all, could I orgasm?
At least I had twenty good years, when sex was an addiction and orgasm the drug of choice, after love, lust and masturbation. And before you ask, yes I do orgasm, I was fortunate enough to orgasm the second time that I went to bed with a man. ‘Sigmoids’ orgasm exactly the same as ‘normals’, at least according to friends I spoke with at the time. Having by this point had my brain melt and gone terminally fluffy, kitten soft and weak at the knees in the presence of male beauty.
Praise the Lord and pass the HRT, the treatment worked for me as I hope it worked for you. That you to were freed from the living death that is hermaphroditism, or as is usually the case, being buried alive for someone else’s crime. When most people know that the average hermaphrodite is infertile and if supposedly male, probably impotent.
How the surgeon would stretch my ‘sigmoid’ I did not ask at the time, has anyone had a stretch and how do they do it? Partly because I had this image in my mind of a medieval torture machine called a ‘rack’ and a poor woman, screaming in agony as stretching her, they pulled her arms and legs from there sockets.
Being a particle person, the real reason for not asking how it would be stretched, was because I had long ago given up any hope of treatment, having received non in the past two and a half years. In fact I have received no treatment or an accurate diagnosis in sixty years from the local Health Authority.
With me having to again apply to the local Health Authority’s ‘exceptional treatments’ request panel, in an attempt just to get the funding for an initial consultation with a surgeon. Something no woman would have to do, and they continue to bullshit and lie that intersex patients have the same rights and treatment as the ‘normals’, shame upon you all.
A process that was supposed to take a month for them to make a decision, only when I first applied, now over a year and a half ago, it took over six months because letters supposedly sent, requesting more information, magically went missing in the post.
Same old, same old crimes and criminals at the heart of darkness that is Nazi Lying Liebour’s own private fiefdom, the only difference this time around is that I no longer expect to get any medical treatment. Have in truth had non from the local Health Authority in sixty years as a hermaphrodite and I do not see them starting now. Not with Presscoat and son, still pulling the almost invisible strings that bind and blind, the politically and personally useful.
For months I have known that either I sort this problem with my ‘sigmoid’ myself, or I am well and truly fucked. Because Tony Bear, his company ‘Torturing Tyrants International’ and El Douche Presscoat will continue to ensure that I get not medical treatment through fare means or fowl. Just as they will continue to ensure I am targeted and will never get legal rights and recognition for being the hermaphrodite I unfortunately was and am.
It is just so much easier to bully, persecute, target and torture someone if you can continue to lie about them being a transsexual to the religious fundamentalists. When as my surgical records and accompanying photographs clearly show, I did not even have the balls for successful assignment as female, at least on the plus side, I never needed breast implants.
The Shame of Shame …
The shame of shame, repeated misdiagnosis, and systemic incompetence by Doctors, medical and administrative staff working for the local Health Authority, effectively, repeatedly destroyed whatever chance of a life I might have had.
Shame because that is what I was mostly made to feel from the age of ten by those around and an unforgiving, uncaring society when it came to physical and psychological differences. Shame that my supposedly male genitalia did not develop as and when it should.
Leaving me forever a victim of penis envy and only to personally aware of my inadequacy and difference, regarding the two sex tyranny religion and its new high Priests, the Doctors, ruthlessly imposed upon the post-industrial revolution waste land, contemporary western societies degenerated into.
As they increasingly used fear to control, define and limit human potential and personal possibility for the dancing puppets. The lever pullers and button pushers of conformity and quality control, over the normals.
Shame that I did not understand what all that boy/man/male stuff was about but had to muddle through, increasingly depending upon secrecy and concealment as I desperately mimicked what others did instinctively, intuitively. Because for reasons I did not yet understand, their instinct's, intuition and physiology was not the same as mine.
Their wants and needs were not mine as a living death slowly stifled and suffocated all I might be, even the hope that I was just physically a late developer, gave way to the many and varied forms of shame, personal failure and physical inadequacy.
Now it was personal and decades ago my only hope came from denial, from hiding the truth to both myself and the world. But that is the way society made you feel decades ago, if born supposedly male with perfectly formed genitalia, you did not virilise along with all the other testosterone, size matters obsessives, sweating steroids as they pumped iron and hit on the girls.
Having but the body of a weak and feeble hermaphrodite, condemned to live the life of another of God’s Holy Innocents, dead, without a sex drive or libido in a vaguely familiar parallel reality, trying to understand, to imagine what life, love and lust were all about. It felt like being cheated, denied a life that bore even the faintest resemblance and recognition to that shared by the ‘normals’ and their secret conspiracies of hormones.
Shame that society, especially over half a century ago, rigidly imposed a two sex tyranny upon western culture, limiting the evolutionary potential of the human condition to transcend the limitations of a single sex; as technological totalitarianism constructed its impenetrable walls around the collective consciousness of western society.
Subjected from the moment of birth to the constrains of production line ‘quality control’, there was no place for imperfection or difference, no acknowledgement that chromosomally there are five sexes, more if you include related physical and psychological differences.
Shame that when I was forced to race against the ‘normals’, I always came last. Shame I had but the weak and feeble body of a hermaphrodite, a thing that crawled imperfect from the primal slime of creation, neither fish nor fowl, wholly male or female.
Inferiority and inadequacy were my ‘birth right’ when compared to the ‘normals’ with their arrogant hormone smiles and ‘used car salesman’ handshakes, as they journeyed effortlessly along the cradle to grave production line of existence. Shame that secrecy and personal denial were my only defence against being born forever different, forever apart from those around me, forever alone with the Alone.
It was the shame of shame that having gone into hospital believing myself to be a transsexual about to undergo reassignment as female, I discovered that not only did I not have enough genital tissue for a successful surgery, I was actually what the Doctors called a hermaphrodite.
It was shame that made me resolve to take this secret to my grave, to tell no one why I returned home as if one dead and without hope. Other than the operation had not been successful and I would need further surgery. Once I recovered sufficiently from the physical traumas of surgery and psychological horror of being a eunuch, a hermaphrodite whose only hope of life, if life it be, lay with the considerable personal trauma of ‘skin grafts’. Well and truly up shit creek without a paddle, or anything firm and substantial to build anew upon.
For me, secrecy had long ago become my only defence against the social and personal shame of being born different to the two sex tyranny of religious fundamentalism. It felt more like been dead than being dead as I frantically tried to join the dots, and glimpse what life for the ‘normals’ was all about in their alien world. Their vaguely familiar parallel reality that reach for as I might, I could never touch, never understand or ever experience as anything but a bemused spectator, a Holy Innocent born without sex drive or libido.
It was the shame of shame and a medical nightmare seemingly without end or hope, which forced me to spent half my life not knowing what I was and why. Then the other half to ashamed and embarrassed to admit to myself and the world, what I was. A weak and feeble hermaphrodite, without even the balls for a successful sex change operation.
Though being a hermaphrodite I was not so much changing my sex because I was born partly male and partly female but wholly neither, more modifying abnormality and contradiction to become my chosen sex. Because unlike many hermaphrodites diagnosed at or shortly after birth, I was fortunate enough to escape the life long scarring and trauma of non-consensual surgery, performed upon young children for cosmetic reasons, or the forced imposition of medicines two sex tyranny.
When clinically, chromosomally there are five distinct and fundamentally different sexes, not two, not just male and female. There are the 46XX/XY true hermaphrodites born with ovaries and testes, the 47/48 XXY/XXXY female and male pseudo-hermaphrodites. All who since the 18th Century have been ethnically cleansed from humanities collective consciousness, denied legal recognition and rights as like square pegs, we are forced into round holes.
This is not rock and roll. This is genocide against difference, against any born members of a third, fourth and fifth sex into the two sex tyranny of the ‘normals’ and the Gestapo Doctors who policed perfection and physical difference. After all what toilet would such a child use, what showers would they go in after games?
Let me give you a clue, I like the majority of hermaphrodites hated games and as for a toilet. I would rather pee in a bucket than have society continue to deny what should be a fundamental right of all hermaphrodites in the 21st Century, the right to choose our own sex. To live in a society where difference is celebrated, not hidden away along with all the freaks, those physically/psychologically damaged, imperfect or disabled.
The systematic genocide against us by the medical profession and a complicate legal structure, launched centuries ago by scientific rationalism and man’s hand-crafted lies, delusions write large and unquestionable in the Vatican Codex, must be stopped now!
Victims all, damaged and in many cases scarred for life by the treatments imposed by deluded but well meaning parents, pressured by well meaning but deluded Doctors into consenting to irreversible surgical procedures in the name of normality. The one thing those born different, born hermaphrodites can never have beyond being ‘freak of the week’.
Buried alive by the two sex tyranny of the Voodoo pin stickers, snake kissers and all born talking in tongues out of their arses about the fundamentals of religious fundamentalism, or the military and industrial complexes favourite revolutionary revelation – Armageddon. When the earth will run with rivers of blood and bla … bla … bla … nutters! Dangerous, deluded nutters, who should not be in charge of a public toilet, let alone a country with the nuclear power to completely destroy the earth several times over. The fate of all ‘mankind’ I fear, is in the hands of liars, control freaks and fools.
It was the shame of shame and determination of corrupt, lying, delusional, control freak, criminal politicians like Tony Bear and the Right Horrible John Presscoat, AKA Baron Von Munchhousen by proxy syndrome, to cover over the truth. To sell promises and lies like ‘cut and shut’ wrecks to an eager, unsuspecting electorate. Protected by their Teflon coating, just to ensure non-of the shit they constantly threw should stick to them and the truth out.
I was, am a transsexual, I could do this, they could stop me working … bla … bla … bla … bla … nutters! Dangerous, deluded, demented criminal nutters who would sell you lies as truth, ‘cut and shut’ policies as safe, reliable, family car’s amidst an endless, unavoidable stream of razor-blade encrusted spin. As they crawled through another sewer full of rancid shit, only to emerge smelling of roses, decomposing democracy and freedom, essence of sleaze and au de toilet of technological totalitarianism. Even despots and elected dictators fall if pushed hard enough.
To long have hermaphrodites been denied a history, a culture, a personal identity, legal rights and the chance to simply be what we are beyond the two sex tyranny and ethnic cleansing of the medical profession. To long have we existed like freaks, medical curiosities in a fair-ground ‘hall of cracked, distorting mirrors’ wanting only what we can never have, normality, personal acceptance and forgiveness for the unforgivable crime of being born hermaphrodites, of being born different.
To long have we gone silent and accepting into the operating theatres and consulting rooms, suffering mutilation, pain, and personal trauma in search of social acceptance. To long have hermaphrodites been marginalized and regarded as things to be denied, damned and destroyed by the ‘normals’ for the convenience of a two sex reality.
To long have hermaphrodites been refused legal and social rights in contravention of national and international laws, to long have hermaphrodites, many born ‘Holy Innocents’ without the sin of sex drive or libido, been damned by the Priests of hate. To long have hermaphrodites been ethnically cleansed from this world and it’s collective consciousness, its shared reality, and social structures. To long …
Next Blog: Department of Health Briefing 11 and why hermaphrodites (refered to as intersex people) remain a reluctant after thought in the Governments ‘Transgender Action Plan’:
Blogging about the military and industrial complex at: http://ser101.wordpress.com/
